Hi praying friend. How’s your heart? Mine has been an in interesting place of “Wow God!” moments, learning to take better care of myself, moving forward, big bold faith decisions, great big sobs, and screaming by myself in the car. Can you relate?
At the ripe old age of 52, I’m learning that walking with Jesus does not always look pretty on the outside or the inside. Victory for me these days is in learning to be more real with myself and God. It also looks like being kinder to myself when I notice my imperfections.
I’ve been reading Esther Fleece’s book, No More Faking Fine: Ending the Pretending where she shares her own story of childhood trauma and bypassing her painful emotions by shutting them down altogether. I’m SO thankful for her vulnerability in sharing her journey and how she found intimacy with God through prayers of lament. Louie and Shelley Giglio shared these wise words in the foreword:
The beautiful nature of lament is that it has a beginning and an end. No one is meant to live forever in grief and sorrow, yet without it, our life loses all meaning and our sense of immeasurable joy that is intended for our journey. Without lament, there is no joy…. Weeping is a part of healing.
pg. 15 of No More Faking Fine
Pretending to be fine affects our prayer life. We won’t ask God, the source of compassion, kindness, gentleness, wisdom, healing and joy, to help us if we can’t admit we need the help.
If we stay locked up emotionally, we may find ourselves numbing the pain. Do you numb the pain? What does that look like for you? How does it affect your experience of God?
Hiding from the pain can make grief last longer. It can cause health and relationship problems. It can hinder us in so many ways.
Here’s the thing though … God knows. He knows if we are resting in Him, telling Him the truth about ourselves, our emotions, our choices. He knows if our love is cold or warm (Matthew 24:12). He knows if the numbing is impacting our ability to praise Him, talk to Him, and love others well. Remember how God met Hagar in her rejection and messy family business. She came to know Him as the God who hears and the God who sees me. (Genesis 16). We don’t read that Hagar cried out to God. Instead we read that the angel of the Lord found her. Wow. To be known, seen, and loved by God in our distress is a beautiful thing. Just imagine how many people have benefitted from the written testimony of Hagar’s experience.
One of the beautiful parts of my pursuit to end my own pretending is recognizing the help of the Holy Spirit. He is in this with me! He is helping me in more ways than I can count or recount to you here. He has used imagery to show me that I was pretending and even what age I was when it started. He connected me with Christ-following friends who don’t pretend and model a different way for me. He inspired a friend to give me this book. He helps me pray. He shows me where in His Word to study. He has put me in a house of prayer with models and messages that I need right now. He whispers to me if my thoughts about myself or others are too harsh. He tells me when my love is cold or warm. He continually helps me know if I’m being kind or just being “nice.”
He is helping me walk through the stuff I would rather ignore. I’ve been praying for healing for a long time. I’ve been putting my trust in the Word which heals and delivers (Ps. 107:20) for a really long time. And He has been healing me. He has been growing my faith and moving me to this next level of healing. The process is birthing new levels of humility and a greater awe of Him which we know leads to His blessing (Proverbs 22:4). These words from Brandon Lake’s song have really been ministering to me: “You’re the wonder-working God and You heal because You love.”
If you would like to learn more about the prayers of lament in the Bible and Esther Fleece’s experience of ending her own pretending, join me for my next Bible study in the Fresh Strength Facebook Group for ladies. Starting July 7th, we will dive into what I expect to be a four week study. There won’t be any homework, but encourage you to read or listen to the book. I will simply be sharing from her book as we look at Scriptures that model this type of intimacy with God. We won’t go through the book chapter by chapter. I hope to add the live stream videos to YouTube afterward so everyone can watch them.
To join the Bible study click here. I will send you an email with details.
If you love to pray for and encourage people who are walking through something, check out my Prayer Mail greeting card subscription service. You can subscribe to receive one or three high-quality cards in the mail each month. These cards will help you love them well by praying and inspiring them to pray His Word for themselves. Here’s one of the cards that uses the story of Hagar to help the recipient know they are seen by God.
See more samples of the cards and learn about the subscription here.
May the God who sees you reveal Himself to you every single day!